Marriage Equality

While Facebook is still all abuzz about the Supreme Court decisions from yesterday, it is a good time to think about what marriage equality means and think about our path from here as a nation and a society.

For some, the Decisions represented a new era in justice for all couples.  For others, it was the turning point in the path towards the destruction of Western Civilization. For others, it was less important than the Aaron Hernandez saga or the over hyped George Zimmerman trial.  What this moment means for history is yet to be seen, but one thing for sure, things are a-changing…and yet they need to change even more.

Let me get one thing straight at the beginning…no matter what side of the same-sex marriage issue you are, we should all agree that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was terrible legislation.  It was an overreach of the federal government and an attempt to legislate a certain brand of morality.  As a committed Federalist, it was governmental overreach because marriage is one of those things controlled and defined by local municipalities (such as the Constitutional understanding that Education is a power for the States).   And even though the government legislation affects morality (i.e. abortion, marijuana, and environmental policies), it has never been the job of the government to define morality in a way that advances the cause of one group over another (this is the key to the 1^st Amendment). 

Another thing that needs to be stressed at the beginning is that “state” marriage and “church” marriage are two different things.  Marriage in the state is a legal contract in which the government represents the relationship between two or more individuals.  Church marriage is sacramental and covenantal by nature and the laws of the Church usurp the laws of the State when it comes to governing who can and cannot be married to one another. If and when the State tries to dictate the Laws of the Church, the Church will need to decide it’s course of action, but the actions of the Supreme Court have no jurisdiction in the Ecclesiastical Courts of the Church.  For the purposes of this discussion, we will be using ‘Marriage’ as the State’s definition of marriage.

But with the Court’s decision, the country’s and culture’s path is no murkier and less equal than it was under the previous understanding. 

Marriage is a very personal and very volatile subject.  My goal here is not to cast any side in a bad light or to discuss which side of the marriage debate is correct.  I respect and love people on all sides of this debate and want to represent their sides fairly and accurately.  The underlying assumption I am working with here is that we need a federally recognized consistent understanding of the legal definition of marriage.  While the old school way of doing things did this (although many viewed it wrongly), yesterday’s decisions make things more complicated for us.

Marriage has generally been held as an archaic institution from times past to ensure proper bloodlines and property rights.  Under the old understanding, everybody was equal to marry: (a) one person, (b) of the opposite gender, (c) of a certain age, (b) that they were not biologically related to.   The reasoning for these restrictions on marriage had to do with the understanding of the purpose of marriage. 

Marriage was seen as a the proper and legitimate way to legislate the furtherance of the society.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints fought many Court battles in the late 19^th Century in order to overturn the restriction on one person.  The Courts came back and determined that marriage needed to between only two people in order to maintain a proper culture.  Perhaps the Courts were too limited in their thought, but they were basing their decisions on the older understanding of marriage. 

Property rights and inheritance laws were also central to marriage.  So called “legitimate” heirs were those heirs who sprung from the legal contract of marriage.  The government also claimed the health and well being of society when it limited the definition of marriage to discriminate against close relatives who wanted to be married.  They argued, largely from an evolutionary point of view, that incest affected the gene pool in a negative way and impacted society at large in a detrimental way.

The concern for marriage in the past was the way that it shaped and formed the society around them. 

As society changed, our understanding of marriage changed.  Rather than seeing marriage as a way to propagate the species and create social harmony and order, people began to view marriage as a way to express ‘love.’  We moved from a societal understanding of marriage to an individual understanding of marriage, one that was not concerned so much with bettering our culture, but with satisfying our emotional needs. 

And so now the concern in marriage is for individuals to express their love and individuality.

Romantic “love” has proved a less stable way of viewing marriage.  The divorce rate has sky rocketed and the birth rate has plummeted.  The number of couples who are together for more than five years (both heterosexual and homosexual) is at all time low and marriage is seen by many as a temporary situation that will last as long as ‘love’ is present.  This is not always the case and both homosexuals and heterosexuals are populated with long term couples, but the norm for both expressions of sexuality has become short term relationships that are easily broken up.

But ‘love’ is now the new bedrock for the State’s understanding of marriage.  That is fine and completely within the scope of the State to do so.  But now it is doing so in a way that creates inequality among people. 

Homosexuals and Heterosexuals are now free to marry any one person they love.  But this excludes certain other populations. For instance, what about a Mormon who may be in love with two women? This may seem contradictory to our current understanding of marriage, but polygamous societies often thrive under the concept of loving more than one person.  What about a brother and sister (or brother and brother or sister and sister) who find themselves attractive and want to spend the rest of their lives together.  (while this may seem like a particularly acute example, it has happened in the past and now there is no ground to deny them a relationship).  What about a thirty year old and a fifteen year old who love each other.  This has happened and seems to be on the rise.  

Neither should representation in the population be an issue. While only 1.4% of the population of Utah (about 40,000 people) live in polygamous families[1], it should be noted that the LGBT community makes up about 3-4% of the entire population (about 9 million people)[2].  Research on incestuous relationships is hard to come by, but we can imagine that the number is relatively small.  But if we are going to grant the same rights to a small percentage of the population, we should make sure that all people are covered and once again ‘equal.’

The position about polygamy is not on the fringe, either.  Since 2005, in Canada, the Alberta Civil Liberties Research Centre has been advocating for the decriminalization of plural union relationships.

The Supreme Court Decisions yesterday were huge wins for the LGBT communities, but they represent more fuzzy thinking in our culture.   

In order to clear up the confusion, we need one of two things to happen.

The first would be a federally recognized, universal and consistent definition of legal marriage.  This means that across the board, the Federal Government needs to define marriage and the benefits (if any) that should come from it.  This may mean a shift in our thinking as to who can claim who on tax forms, visit in hospital rooms and receive property rights.  But in our new age of technology, we can easily accomplish this.  This would ensure that people are protected across the board universally.

The other option would be to simply abolish marriage altogether and to abolish the financial benefits that come from it.  This would make the playing field level and ensure that no type of relationship can be discriminated against at a governmental level.  This would also save a great deal of money as communities would no longer have to issue marriage forms.

At this point in my life, I feel that given our current social upheaval, the second option represents the best approach to this difficult and complex situation.  Eliminate legal marriage and we have the basis for a more free and equal society.

Whatever our country decides in regards to marriage, it needs to be uniform, consistent and EQUAL.   This is the true meaning of marriage equality.

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[1] James Brooke. "Utah Struggles With a Revival of Polygamy. " New York Times [New York, N.Y.] 23 August 1998, Late Edition (East Coast): 12. ProQuest Newsstand. ProQuest. Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah. 11 Dec. 2007

[2] http://gaylife.about.com/od/comingout/a/population.htm

God's Disappointment

I remember when I was a kid experiencing disappointment for one of the very first times in my life.  It was nothing earth shattering, but it had a profound impact on me.  I was in the Magic Kingdom in Disney World (any child’s dream come true!), waiting to see Mickey Mouse.  Mickey of course is the king of Disney World and no visit is a complete success without a hug from Mickey.  Well, Mickey was out there and all the kids were flocking to him, and I realized that I was going to have to wait to see him.  But before I could get through the throngs of kids with their brightly colored shorts and Mickey Mouse hats on, Mickey was gone! I had missed my opportunity to hug Mickey. 

A few years ago, Philip Yancey wrote a book that every Christian should read entitled, Disappointment with God.  In it, he deals with our soul’s struggle with God.  I’ve often wondered if maybe at times we should reflect on the opposite side of the equation, on God’s disappointment with us…or just me in particular.

I have often wondered if it were to be possible to count the number of people I have disappointed in life.  I think it is inevitable that we are going to disappoint.  We can never quite live up to the hype of ourselves, the pure potential we have inside of us, or the image we harbor inside of ourselves.  Most of us so desperately want to satisfy people’s expectations of us that we often live in denial when we fail to meet those expectations.  There is a soul shattering thud in our hearts when the truth of our failure comes to light and there is no denying that we are not the people we imagine ourselves to be.

Perhaps you could say that I was destined to be a disappointment.  Or perhaps I became a disappointment through my life choices and the decisions I have made.  Maybe there was some inherent flaw within me, or that I created a flaw and have acted accordingly.

When I was younger, people would look at me and say that I had great potential.  “You have so much to offer the world,” one counselor said.  “You are going to be great,” my parents would say. “You will impact the kingdom of God,” my churches said.  Only as time has raced on, the potential I had has gone unused or it has atrophied or it has been wasted. 

I disappointed my parents because I could not live up to their dreams for me.  I still at this date do not know or understand what those dreams were, other than I would be great.  Perhaps I was supposed to be a lawyer or a politician to help right the wrongs in the world.  Or perhaps I could have been a medical doctor and helped sick people.  But whatever those dreams were, they certainly don’t match my reality and I am cut off from the world of my past.

My high school labeled me ‘the most likely to succeed,’ but they again never defined what success was.  Was it money, power, or a combination of the two of them? Was it to go on to be a statesman and to come back to my hometown in order to lead future generations in the paths they should go? Regardless of that, I have been the most successful person with the fancy job and the big house.  I have not returned, unlike Hardy’s prodigal Native, to illuminate any path towards success.  I have let them down.

Have I been the best husband? Lord knows that is not the case and how many times have I let my wife down?  How many times have I not been the strong provider and supporter that she was expecting and needing?  How many times…?

I could go on to explain the churches and the parishioner’s I have disappointed?  How many times did I not have the piece of advice they needed or the patience and love they desired?  How many times did I walk into the office, feeling as if I could accomplish everything like Hercules…only when the end of the day came, Ichabod Crane emerged from office door, defeated and scared at every shadow?  How many committees who interviewed me and hired me did I let down when they began to realize my weaknesses and problems?   How many do I currently disappoint who come to my office seeking for answers only to emerge more confused than ever?

And now, sitting on the precipice of life, what do I look forward to?  With a sense of dread, I know the day is coming when I will disappoint my children and they will no longer look at me as that silly man who makes them smile, but will know the reality that I am a fragile, broken and vain little man? 

And with that in mind it is with trepidation that perhaps we should ask the question: is God disappointed with me?

My gut answer would be: OF COURSE HE IS!  How, in fact, could He not be?  What, with my silly prayers and fleeting conviction and lackluster devotion to discipleship and mission?  I can imagine being dragged before the court of heaven, having God Almighty standing there, showing me the wonder of His creation and saying with a disgusted sigh, “I made this for the likes of you?”

Is there any hope for a disappointment like me?

Out of the corner of the Old Testament, there does seem to be a glimmer…and maybe just more than a glimmer.  In the prophet Zephaniah we read this:

                        On that day you shall not be put to

                                    Shame

                        Because of deeds by which you have rebelled against me;

                        For then I will remove you from your midst

                                    Your proudly exultant ones

                        And you shall no longer be haughty in my holy mountain

                                    But I will leave in your midst

                                    A people humble and lowly

                        They shall seek refuge in the name of

                                    The Lord

                        They shall do no injustice

                                    And speak no lies

                        Nor shall there be found in their mouth

                                    A deceitful tongue

                        For they shall gaze and lie down

                                    And none shall make them afraid

                        Sing aloud, o Daughter of Zion

                                    Shout, O Israel

                        Rejoice and exult with all your heart

                                    O Daughter of Jerusalem!

                        The Lord has taken away the judgments

                                    Against you

                                    He has cleared away your enemies

                        The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst

                                    You shall never again fear evil

                        On that day be it said to Jerusalem

                                    Fear not, O Zion

                                    Let not your hands grow weak

                        The Lord your God is in your midst

                                     A mighty one who will save

                                    He will rejoice over you with gladness

                                    He will quiet you by his love

                                    He will exult over you with loud singing

“He will quiet you by his love”

This is said to a group of people who have disappointed God, their families, their ancestors and their neighbors.  This is said to people who have failed to live up to their potential and their expectations.  And yet, God, does not say, “I am thoroughly disappointed in you…” nor does he say, “You have let me down…”  Rather, just the opposite, he will remove these judgments against them and he will rejoice over them with great singing.  Imagine for a second the image of Almighty God, king of the Universe, singing over these rag tag group of people…who have done nothing but disappoint…and you begin to see the amazing truth in the gospel. 

We have to remember that the Kingdom of God is made up of nothing but disappointments.  Which one of us has ever lived up to our potential, who has ever met the expectations of everyone we have met or has lived his life with God to the fullest?

I have days when I remember this truth, but then I have days where the burden of disappointment seems to dominate me and threatens to overwhelm me.  I have days when I can rejoice that God loves me despite my failures and days when the deep threatens to swallow me up. 

The hope is that even though we continue to disappoint, that God will one day overcome all the disappointment in the world and restore His kingdom.

Course Adjustment

Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the church is often labeled today as fundamentalism. Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along by every wind of teaching, look like the only attitude acceptable to today's standards. Pope Benedict XV

Getting off course is easy…all it takes is a slight miscalculation, a little bit of inattention, or the smallest amount of willful ignorance.  Before one realizes it, you are completely off course and in a part of the world they never thought they would be in.  Sometimes we get so far off course that it begins to seem normal to us and we want to defend it with everything you have.

People get off course all the time.  Recently I had heard of a priest who was selling meth to people in his parish.  In order to keep the money flowing, the priest had bought a porn store to pay for the meth production.  What thoughts he must have had in his head when he woke up in jail!  Or take our political leaders who can find themselves off course—whether it is war in Iraq, utilizing the IRS to attack conservative groups, discriminating against homosexuals, or covering up security lapses.

During a number of encounters on Facebook recently, I discovered myself to be off course as well.  I found myself debating and defending positions I never thought I would be defending.  Like any good navigator, I began to wonder where I had gone wrong.  So I have taken a few weeks off from this blog and have spent some time reading, praying, and reflecting.  The process of course adjustment is never and easy one and probably never a finished one.  But it is an important one.

And so I have had…and continue to have…very frank conservations with God and myself about these things.  For those of you who are wondering…or worried…I am not having a mid-life crisis.  Rather, I believe this is a time of sharpening, focusing, and clarifying what I believe and what I should pursue.

Here are some basic thoughts and directions I wish to pursue in this blog.

• 1.      I am a Christian and I thoroughly believe in the person and work of Jesus Christ.  As such, I believe in the historic tenants of the Christian faith, especially those in the Reformed confessions.  I am somewhat Presby-lutheran (if you will allow the word) in my views.  God’s love is open to all people and all people should be treasured and valued because they have been made in the image of God.  
• 2.      I believe that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is good news and as such is good news for the whole of people and the entirety of humankind.  Christianity is not about ‘getting people saved’ but rather in announcing the kingdom of God and working for the reconciliation of people with each other and with God.  While Christianity has been used to abuse, belittle, and frighten people, its original intent was to free, heal, and cause people to rejoice.  This is an aspect of Christianity that much of the modern Church has lost.
• 3.      The gospel also has political ramifications and the Christian gospel ought to inform the political discourse. This is not a call for a ‘Christian’ state or for an enforced ‘moral code’ Rather, the Church should provide an alternative view of life that the state cannot offer.  The Christian Church ought not to be involved in the establishment of any political party, but should encourage people to the values of love, justice, and peace.  It is because of its new position on the sidelines that the Church can and should work towards the reconciliation of society and to encourage and kindle what one author called the “prophetic imagination.”  The church should concern itself with the ministry to the poor, the sick and the outcast, working to ensure the dominant culture does everything it can to care for these.  The answer for these is not simple redistribution but an ordering of society that allows for the prosperity of all.
• 4.      The gospel is both pro-life and pro-peace.  We in the Christian church should oppose violence in all of its forms and work towards the establishment of lasting peace, not simple appeasement.

I realize that these above statements can appear very vague.  Nor is the above list exhaustive.  But this gives one a guide for the paths that I am pursuing.  The path of Jesus is neither in tandem with conservative or the liberal ways, and it will take some time to develop these thoughts more.

And while the above thoughts are important, there is a more important development that must happen within my heart.  In my interaction with people of opposing viewpoints, I have found myself too hard, too angry, too stubborn. 

As I think about the man I want to become in the next thirty years, I can say that it is not a prideful, angry

, spiteful man who is so hell bent on being correct that he can’t act correctly.  Pride, anger, and fear must give way to humility, love and gentleness.  In many ways, it is hard to reach the age of forty and to realize that there is still so much that needs to be changed.  But there is a comfort in knowing that in order to get there, we must always adjust our course.