The Hard Thing

I’ve always wondered if I would have the courage to be like my father.

My mother was diagnosed with Parkison’s disease when she was 52 years old. The years that followed were marked by the disease’s rapid progress, in which it robbed my mother of her ability to move, her ability to speak, and her ability to eat. Throughout it all, my father stood by her and cared for her in a selfless manner. When she couldn’t move, he took her to the places she loved going. When she couldn’t speak, he improvised a system to help her communicate with those around her. When the doctors placed a feeding tube in her, he made sure that she had her medicine and food every day that he was able. He cared for her every day until the day she died.

For that, my father is my hero. He exemplified love in action and did not shy away from his responsibilities he vowed to my mother on the day they were married. In doing this, my father chose a very hard thing to do. There was nothing easy about the way he lived his life. He did not choose the easy way out. When things became difficult, he did not abandon his vows, his love, or his duty.

This is can be so easily contrasted with the actions of John Edwards, the 2008 Presidential candidate. When his wife was diagnosed with cancer, Edwards sought solace in the arms of his secretary. Instead of living with his wife through this illness, he fled from her and his responsibilities and his love. No matter what excuses he could conjure, Edwards could not deny the basic facts that he had chosen the easy way out. He was unwilling or unable to do the hard thing.

We see here two basic approaches to one’s relationships and covenants. John Edwards stands for the easy way. This way confronts situations with the basic question, “what’s in this for me?” My father exemplifies the hard way, which asks the basic question, “how can I serve others?” The two ways are diametrically opposed to each other because they each have different foci. The first focuses primarily on ourselves, the second primarily on others. And while everybody fluctuates in between these two approaches, we can see ourselves (and others) generally lean towards the hard or easy way.

This is completely true when it comes to our relationship with Jesus Christ and His body, the Church. People generally approach these relationships either by asking, “what’s in it for me?” or “How can I serve?”

One of the most common problems in the church today is people who gravitate towards the easy way or who expect Jesus and the church to meet their needs first and foremost. This approach is marked by a concern about what one is ‘getting out’ of a worship service or church event. People are concerned about having their needs met and making sure they are comfortable and at ease.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the consumerist approach to selecting and finding a church to join. The consumerist seeks out a church that will primarily meet those needs, whatever those needs may be. And though these needs may be dressed up with spiritual concerns, the primary motivation remains the selfish desire to gratify our cravings.

For instance, Mary was a woman who loved emotional highs, especially during worship services. She did not feel like she was edified unless the service made her feel various emotions: happiness, sadness, and excitement. It was those emotional highs and lows that she sought week after week. After all, when you read the bible, there is always so much excitement and so much passion that pervades the text. Worship should match these biblical experiences .

She had joined a small church that was just starting up and was so excited to become a part of it. This was something new and fresh and there was buzz of energy in the air as the people gathered and began the business of starting a church. But as the weeks and months went on, the excitement began to change. There was more discussion of mission and strategy and less passion that drove the worship services. Personalities began to conflict and things were beginning to get hard.

Mary couldn’t deal with the change in the church. After all, she needed church to fuel her and to provide her with passion for the week. She couldn’t let herself get bogged down with earthly matters like strategy or personality conflicts. She needed energy and excitement and these things were lacking at this church. So soon after this, she found a new church where she could feel the energy and the excitement. She chose the easy way.

Like many people, Mary prioritized her own needs and desires over the needs over other people. Without ever questioning what she might contribute to the church’s mission, she sought to suck the church dry for her own gain. And a consumerist like Mary is not unlike a vampire who, having taken all she could from the church, was able to exchange this church for a new one without any problem.

There are a dozen scenarios of the consumerist approach to church. People love to join churches for their facilities and what the building or program might give them access to. People leave churches because they feel there is not a program that meets their needs. Whatever the reason, at its heart, the reason is selfish.

What consumerists don’t realize is how their selfishness and self-involvedness hurts others around them and, in a larger sense, the culture.

Take for example, Mary’s church. Instead of helping the church to reach out to others and to accomplish the mission God gave them, she abandoned them and drained their resources. With fewer people willing to help there was more strain on those who were left. Her lack of financial contributions also put greater restrictions on the budget which in turn directly affected who the church could and could not help.

Following Jesus is never easy. He admits this Himself. When a young man came to follow after him, Jesus replied, “foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” (Matt 8:21 ESV). Again he says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23). When Jesus calls a person to discipleship, it is never to make them feel comfortable, never to meet their needs, or to give into their selfish desires. Rather, the call of Jesus is a call to death. “Whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” (Luke 9:24). To follow Jesus, to be a disciple, to be a Christian means to put to death yourself as the object of your desire. It means to put to death your wants, your needs, your desires, and your self-importance.

This is the hard thing of being a Christian: to love God, and to love others far beyond your own self.

This viewpoint approaches situations very differently. Instead of demanding that their needs be met, these people look for opportunities to serve. They seek to utilize their potential for others, no matter how humiliating the service might be. They care that God’s kingdom and God’s message and God’s love are being demonstrated and proven in whatever situation they may find themselves in. Their love for God overshadows their concern for themselves or their own desires.

German Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1904-1945) was such a man. In the midst of his life, he sought to serve God and to follow Jesus, wherever Jesus would lead him. At the height of Nazi power in Germany, he chose the easy path and fled to America. But his conscience would not allow him to stay. He loved God and his fellow Germans so much that he realized that he must return to Germany. His decision to return sealed his fate and his faithful obedience to Christ led him to his death at the hands of Nazi executioners. He chose the hard thing.

The Church cannot afford to have any more followers choose the easy way. This is what is killing the church in North America. When the great history books of the future are written, it will be discovered that it was not Islam, nor rampant secularism that defeated the church in the West; it was selfish Christians who cared more about being loved than loving others.

We need to heed again the call of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who said, “whoever would be first among you, must be slave of all.” (Mark 10:44 ESV) Loving others is a hard thing to do, perhaps the hardest thing in this world.

The question we must…must…ask ourselves is: am I seeking the easy way, or am I pursuing the hard thing?