Narcissus is alive and well. You know the story...a cruel man is punished by the gods to fall in love with his own reflection. He gazes at his own reflection so much that eventually dies.In Ayn Rand's short novella, Anthem, the main character's quest for liberation comes to a conclusion when he discovers one word: I. Equality 7-2521 discovers that the most important thing he can live for is himself. It ends with him carving a tribute to EGO ("This god...this one word, I). This is a message that our society and our country has readily accepted.
We live in a country of narcissism. Most of us deal with this issue at several levels of our lives. We live with one thought: It's all about us. We live with the one constant theme of our lives being: get all that I want and don't care about anybody else.
In my line of work, it is not uncommon for me to run into people who want all of their needs taken care of (baby sitting, for example) and yet have no concern to give back to anybody else. This type of person will complain when any expectation is made of them that they should give up the slightest momentary happiness.
This exhibits itself not only in the world, but also, sadly, in the church. Church becomes, not about serving the Living God, but rather...how can I have my needs met. Of course, nobody talks in this type of language...but rather this attitude is displayed in all sorts of different ways. "I didn't like the music." "Nobody thanked me for making cookies for the fellowship." Or however else it may be explained.
I thought that I was maybe just getting older. That maybe everybody had always been the same and I was just getting cranky with age. But then there came empirical evidence--our country is becoming more and more in love themselves. We are become a country of Narcissists.
Dr. Twenge in her book The Narcissist Epidemic details how parents, society, and other factors are feeding into our desires. Increasingly people's lives are centered more and more around themselves. Social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter help others fuel their narcissism by drawing attention to every detail about their lives and thoughts. And, instead of showcasing important thoughts about contemporary issues, the main drive on Facebook seems to promote one's 'hotness,' one's party nature, or popularity.
The effect of this problem is devastating. I know parents who are more concerned with weight loss and working out than their child. They wish to look good for their vacation while their child is neglected and placed in front of a TV. This child will grow up with issues that will take years to deal with. Narcissism is a far reaching multi-generational problem.
For the good work that Dr. Twenge does in her book, she fails to understand the basic thing about narcissism...it is sin. And if we give into our narcissist tendencies, we will share in Narcissus' fate.
Jesus constantly pushes us to look beyond ourselves. In the Bible, there is no command given to 'love ourselves.' Jesus says to the scribe, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart...and love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:30-31). While it is implied that you will love yourself, there is no commandment to do so. Likewise, Jesus says our whole focus is not to be on ourselves, but on God "Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it."(Luke 9:24).
Narcissism and the narcissist tendency to focus on ourselves and our own desires are sin. While we may agree intellectually with Rick Warren's statement, "It's not about me..." we have to learn to put this into practice.
Living in a non-narcissist way involves risk, because you are putting others first. We need to be willing to enter people's lives with an understanding that it might cause us problems. We need to learn not to put our own desires and wants over everybody else's.
In short, we need to learn proper perspective on life: God, others, us. That's right...we do not come first, we come third. This is the way that God wants it to be and we need learn to live with others before us.
As for people who can't live beyond themselves, I feel sorry for them. They are always seemingly mired in depression, frustration, or anger. They don't feel as if anybody is ever doing enough for them and they tend to be the most miserable people I know. I hope and pray that they will stop looking at in the mirror long enough to enjoy the beautiful world around them.
