Forgive and Forget?

Here is a tale of two ways.

The first way is described at the beginning of Dexter Filkin’s book The Forever War.  A group of people have come to witness a trial and sentencing of a murderer.  Under Islamic law, the accused could go free if the victim’s father will forgive the murderer.  While the accused’ s father begs for his sons life, the victim’s father is unmoved.  “I am not able to forgive him.”  With that, the sentence is handed out and the accused murder is beheaded.

On Oct 6, 2006 a horrific event happened in Nickel Mines, PA.  A lone gunman entered a one room Amish school house and shot 10 girls and killed five, the worse shooting in the town’s history. But what happened next amazed the world: the families of the girls who were shot came to the shooter’s house and forgave his family.  

This illustrates two ways: the way of justice and the way of forgiveness. This is not an indictment of one culture and praise of another, because justice and forgiveness belong to all cultures.  Rather, this reminds us of the important tension that exists in our world whenever tragedy happens and whenever bad things happen in our lives. 

This week we are reminded again of this tension and provided with a choice of which path we should take.  The bombings in Boston and the actions of Dr. Gosnell are just two examples of the horror that exists in our world.  In both events, innocent people were brutally murdered, lives were irrevocably changed and the world again tasted the horror that undergirds much of our daily existence.

Already the internet is cluttered with calls for these men’s blood.  These are echoes and reminders of calls to war from the recent past and throughout human history.  Can society heal

The question at the heart of this, is can we and should we practice forgiveness? Can we forgive the Boston Bombers for their actions that took the lives of three people and injured close to two hundred? Can we forgive Dr. Gosnell for the brutal murder of innocent children? Or on a closer level: can we forgive those that have wronged us today? Can we forgive our wives and our husbands for the things they do to us? Can we forgive bosses and co-workers for being insensitive? Can we live on the path of forgiveness?

To suggest that we should does not negate the justice question in anyway. The surviving Boston bomber must be put on trial and sentenced.  Dr. Gosnell must own up to his crimes.  Each of these must pay the consequences for their actions.  Forgiveness is not about ‘forgetting’ that a crime happened, or letting someone ‘off the hook,’ and to look the other way.  It is not about ignoring the consequences of behavior, but rather dealing with the consequences in a healthy and positive way.

While forgiveness may not be a uniquely Christian grace, it is a central one.  Forgiveness has played an important role in the Christian faith from the beginning. It may not have always been practiced as much as it should have been, but it is at the heart of the Christian life. 

Jesus taught the path of forgiveness.  In the heart of the Lord’s Prayer, we read, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matt 6:12). When Peter asks how many times he should forgive someone, Jesus responds, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22). He reiterates to his disciples, “forgive and you will be forgiven.”  And most importantly of all, in the face of even his own death, Jesus not only taught the path of forgiveness, he lived it, for as he was being crucified, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34).

The Amish believe that forgiveness should be practiced as much as possible. They understand that their forgiveness is bound up with the forgiveness that we display to others.  They understand that if they do not forgive, God will not forgive them. While this may and does seem self-serving the other side of this is that if they truly forgive a person, then God will forgive that person as well (Matt 18:18).  In other words, they believe that there is a real correlation between the forgiveness we practice here on earth and the forgiveness that God grants in heaven. For an unbeliever, this may seem an inconsequential thing, but for believers, this is extremely significant. This is where we put our lives to the test and allow forgiveness to rule in our hearts.

If we do not allow ourselves to forgive, then unforgiveness and the sin of others will rule our lives.  When we forgive, we free ourselves from the sins of other people.

When we forgive someone, we acknowledge that there was a wrong done and hurt was the result.  With forgiveness, we restore the relationship we had, but in the light of the hurt.  We can’t pretend or ignore the events, but nor should we dwell on them. 

This may seem easy when the infractions are less serious, when a person has missed a date or misplaced some important information.  But what about when we are talking about serious offenses, like murder, terrorism and acts of violence.  Can we forgive then? Should we forgive then?

I am not directly related to either of these events, nor directly involved with the major tragedies of our day.  I do not, for a second, want to minimize or trivialize anybody’s pain.  I do not want to say that I have experienced similar things, because I haven’t.  I do not want to say that I can even imagine the level of suffering that has been present in people’s lives.  I do not want to gloss over their pain and their suffering. 

But at the same time, I have been the object and victim of cruel things.  I have been betrayed, I have been rejected, I have been abandoned.  I understand pain and the desire for revenge.  On the other hand, I have betrayed, I have rejected and I have abandoned, and I recognize the desire to be forgiven.  I stand as one who has betrayed God, abandoned God, forsaken God, and yet at the same time has been forgiven by God, welcomed by God, loved by God and accepted by God.

Christ calls us to forgive one another and the way of peace is the way of forgiveness. Imagine if we could, on an individual level, forgive those who have wronged us.  Imagine if we would heed the prayer that we pray every week and ‘forgive our debtors.’ Imagine what good could happen in this world if we could do this.    Imagine, if we could, as a country, and as a culture embrace the grace of forgiveness.

I am not a ‘pie in the sky’ idealist. Countries have interests to protect…namely their people.  And while the State must do what it needs to do, the people who make up the state can practice the art of forgiveness.

The work begins, as always, with us, with individuals. We must work to cultivate forgiveness in our lives.  When people wrong us, especially in the small and ordinary things in our lives, we must work to overcome our pride and forgive them. This leads us to be able to forgive people for bigger crimes against us.  Most of us will never deal with the events like the tragedies we have mentioned, but if we forgive for smaller things, we can work at forgiving the bigger ‘stuff.’

Forgiveness is a path that we can walk.  We might not be able or ready to forgive people for everything right away.  But with time, we can work at it and to forgive people as Christ as forgiven us.