Chaplain Soup

Christianity often fails not because of intellectual assertions, but because of the actions of their believers.” –Unknown

                Today I am writing out of pain.  I know this and want to be upfront about this.  Maybe my view has become distorted…it often is.  Maybe my mind is overly pessimistic…it often is.  Maybe my experience is not normative…it often isn’t.  But I am writing this as an expression of my pain and as a reminder to myself not to act in similar ways. 

                I get that nobody is perfect and that we all have bad days.  I understand that we all make mistakes and we don’t always measure up to the standards we embrace.

                But as I stood there trying to meet the fourth Chaplain in an area and was greeted by a gruff, “Who are you?”  When I explained that I was here on a ship, I got a “well, we are in a meeting.”  There was no ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or even “can I help you?”  A minor thing, perhaps…but it’s those minor things that can often matter the most.

                See, because this was on top of meeting other chaplains who didn’t ask my name, but proceeded to tell me and each other what great chaplains they were.

                This was on top of a solid year and a half of being belittled, demeaned, and cut out by another chaplain.

                This was on top of watching Chaplains fight and bicker over whose ‘people’ they have and who they were allowed to talk to.

                This was on top of watching pastors undermine other churches in town and steal their members.

                This was on top of watching pastors scream and yell at each other over who was in charge.

                This was on top of being neglected and ignored by my church leaders as I repeatedly asked for help in waters that were too strong for me.

                Maybe this has been my experience alone.  Maybe others find nothing but acceptance from the church and from church leaders.  So maybe I write from the outside looking in. 

                At times, it has been a long tough haul.  It leads to a great deal of emotions and a great deal of questions:

                Maybe I’m not a good chaplain.

                Maybe I’m not a good Christian.

                Maybe I’m not a good person. 

                Maybe I deserve to be ignored.  Maybe I deserved to be overlooked.  Maybe I’m not worth your time. 

                But I serve a God who accepts me.  Today, I think about the words that Paul Tillich said, when he wrote: “Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life. It strikes us when our disgust for our own being, our indifference, our weakness, our hostility, and our lack of direction and composure have become intolerable to us. It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection of life does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: “You are accepted.”

                Pastors, chaplains, and church leaders may not accept me.  But God sure does.

Course Adjustment

Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the church is often labeled today as fundamentalism. Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along by every wind of teaching, look like the only attitude acceptable to today's standards. Pope Benedict XV

Getting off course is easy…all it takes is a slight miscalculation, a little bit of inattention, or the smallest amount of willful ignorance.  Before one realizes it, you are completely off course and in a part of the world they never thought they would be in.  Sometimes we get so far off course that it begins to seem normal to us and we want to defend it with everything you have.

People get off course all the time.  Recently I had heard of a priest who was selling meth to people in his parish.  In order to keep the money flowing, the priest had bought a porn store to pay for the meth production.  What thoughts he must have had in his head when he woke up in jail!  Or take our political leaders who can find themselves off course—whether it is war in Iraq, utilizing the IRS to attack conservative groups, discriminating against homosexuals, or covering up security lapses.

During a number of encounters on Facebook recently, I discovered myself to be off course as well.  I found myself debating and defending positions I never thought I would be defending.  Like any good navigator, I began to wonder where I had gone wrong.  So I have taken a few weeks off from this blog and have spent some time reading, praying, and reflecting.  The process of course adjustment is never and easy one and probably never a finished one.  But it is an important one.

And so I have had…and continue to have…very frank conservations with God and myself about these things.  For those of you who are wondering…or worried…I am not having a mid-life crisis.  Rather, I believe this is a time of sharpening, focusing, and clarifying what I believe and what I should pursue.

Here are some basic thoughts and directions I wish to pursue in this blog.

• 1.      I am a Christian and I thoroughly believe in the person and work of Jesus Christ.  As such, I believe in the historic tenants of the Christian faith, especially those in the Reformed confessions.  I am somewhat Presby-lutheran (if you will allow the word) in my views.  God’s love is open to all people and all people should be treasured and valued because they have been made in the image of God.  
• 2.      I believe that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is good news and as such is good news for the whole of people and the entirety of humankind.  Christianity is not about ‘getting people saved’ but rather in announcing the kingdom of God and working for the reconciliation of people with each other and with God.  While Christianity has been used to abuse, belittle, and frighten people, its original intent was to free, heal, and cause people to rejoice.  This is an aspect of Christianity that much of the modern Church has lost.
• 3.      The gospel also has political ramifications and the Christian gospel ought to inform the political discourse. This is not a call for a ‘Christian’ state or for an enforced ‘moral code’ Rather, the Church should provide an alternative view of life that the state cannot offer.  The Christian Church ought not to be involved in the establishment of any political party, but should encourage people to the values of love, justice, and peace.  It is because of its new position on the sidelines that the Church can and should work towards the reconciliation of society and to encourage and kindle what one author called the “prophetic imagination.”  The church should concern itself with the ministry to the poor, the sick and the outcast, working to ensure the dominant culture does everything it can to care for these.  The answer for these is not simple redistribution but an ordering of society that allows for the prosperity of all.
• 4.      The gospel is both pro-life and pro-peace.  We in the Christian church should oppose violence in all of its forms and work towards the establishment of lasting peace, not simple appeasement.

I realize that these above statements can appear very vague.  Nor is the above list exhaustive.  But this gives one a guide for the paths that I am pursuing.  The path of Jesus is neither in tandem with conservative or the liberal ways, and it will take some time to develop these thoughts more.

And while the above thoughts are important, there is a more important development that must happen within my heart.  In my interaction with people of opposing viewpoints, I have found myself too hard, too angry, too stubborn. 

As I think about the man I want to become in the next thirty years, I can say that it is not a prideful, angry

, spiteful man who is so hell bent on being correct that he can’t act correctly.  Pride, anger, and fear must give way to humility, love and gentleness.  In many ways, it is hard to reach the age of forty and to realize that there is still so much that needs to be changed.  But there is a comfort in knowing that in order to get there, we must always adjust our course.