Do I really want to be a Christian?

Lord, I want to be a Christian…in my heart

                Or so goes the old hymn.  Many of us who have gone to church know the song and we sing it with mild enthusiasm.  The idea behind the song is that we need God’s help in being a Christian, so that it permeates our very heart and soul.  There is just one big problem.

                Christians irk me.

                Not just a little, but a lot. 

                I mean A LOT!

                We can be bigoted and self righteous towards other people.  We can tolerate some sins, but absolutely not others.  We can be conceited and treat each other like dirt.  And we fight….about EVERYTHING.  Clothes, tattoos, tobacco, sex, worship styles, politics, theology, and about everything else we drag each other through the mud and we do it in the name of God. 

                I know this is nothing new.  This has been going on since the Church was established.  In fact, most of the New Testament is about Christians fighting each other.  Just about every other page is a new heresy or bad decision (usually by Peter) or about food sacrificed to idols.   It’s amazing that there never seems to be a period of agreement in the Church. 

                With all of the fighting that goes on and has gone on, we tend to forget the clear and central claim of the gospel that Jesus offers: “Follow me” (Mark 1:17).  In fact most of the gospels seem to be about expanding that call and discovering what it means for a disciple to come and follow Jesus.  This call seems to have dire consequences on the believer because Bonhoeffer writes, “when Christ calls a man, he bids him to come and die.” Bonhoeffer wrote his book Discipleship around the central issue of following Jesus.

                But can we really do this today? What does it mean to ‘Follow Jesus’? The disciples were lucky in this regard because they could literally follow Jesus from place to place.  We don’t have that luxury. 

                When I think about the call of Jesus, I certainly think it extends way beyond the paths of fighting about dogma and about deciding what side I am on concerning sexual orientation. I get the sense that Jesus is calling us to something higher, something more productive, something….bigger than our traditional squabbles. 

                Perhaps it’s time that all of us Christians look at ourselves and really begin to question what it means to follow Jesus.  Maybe the question is not do I want to become a Christian? But perhaps the question comes to be: what sort of Christian do I want to be?

                And for me the answer is, “I want to be a Christian that follows Jesus”.   What that means, however, has yet to be fully explored.